


Never a Last Kiss

by TheFirstKilljoy



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Death, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Pain, Romance, Sickness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2072916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFirstKilljoy/pseuds/TheFirstKilljoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this story for an old friends art piece. </p>
<p>Tell me what you think!</p>
<p>(Artwork: http://mcr1983.deviantart.com/art/Frerard-11-206348608)</p></blockquote>





	Never a Last Kiss

Our last kiss was beautiful, it was deep and it meant so much more then either of us could have understood. We were just teenagers, we didn't know what we had, what we had gotten into was so much more then what we thought. As kids we thought it was just good sex but it had been so much more to the both of us, so much deeper than we could have even contemplated.

Frank had been my boyfriend and the love of my life but when my parents forced me to move across the country and repeatedly move around for my fathers work, I no longer saw him. Eventually we lost most contact as letters had to be forwarded too many times and my parents hid his letters from me. My parents had been ashamed of us but we had fallen into the relationship without even realizing it ourselves. Once we did, we were far from ashamed, we were too in love.

I still remember his lips on mine. There gentle flicker, like rose petals from the sky landing on my cheeks, vibrantly red against my pale skin. His hands had the strongest hold on me, pulling me close. Our tears had pooled on our cheeks and mixed with one another's. I remember his hand caressing my neck, running through my hair. I remember the weak whimpers he was admitting through his lips, scared, knowing this would be the last time our lips would meet.

Frank had been sick and we knew, though neither would say, we'd never see each other again. Even in the few letters we managed to send to one another and receive he never talked about his sickness, even when I asked. He just left it out of them. We hardly talked on the phone since he didn't have a house phone, only his mother had a cell phone he only stole when she was sleeping or home from work, not often. Listening to his voice on the phone all those times was hard. Each time was a reality check on how much sicker he really was. His voice was weak and his breathing labored the last time we talked.

He was suppose to call me one night and never did. I sat by the phone and tried not to cry as I thought about him possibly too busy or other foolish things. I thought he might be out with friends, maybe someone new. I was just paranoid and I knew this was one of the only times we would talk for a long time, since he hardly had a phone to call with. It wasn't until the next day that I found out.

_The house phone rang and my family was sitting in the living room, watching a TV show, dad was at work. I mindlessly got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the phone from the base. "Hello?" I wasn't really paying attention, I was thinking about how I was missing my show and was waiting for it to be a stupid sweepstake so I could hang up the phone._

_"Is this Gerard?" I was now at attention as I thought I knew the females voice on the other line but I couldn't place it._

_"Yes," I said still wracking my brain for the person's name, their face._

_"Hey honey, this is Linda…Frank's mother," she said weakly, her voice sounding wrecked._

_I was on edge now and my eyes instantly started watering but I ignored the feeling as I told myself everything was fine. "Oh, hi," I said in recognition._

_"Hey. Honey…I think you know why I'm calling…," her voice was weak and cracking. My eyes watered but I shook my head and looked up to the skylight in the kitchen to ignore it. "Frank passed away yesterday," she said weakly and my eyes closed. My heart seemed to fall in my chest and I dropped the phone before I fell to my knees. I covered my mouth and held back my sobs as my body was nearly convulsing from them. I scrambled for the phone a moment later._

_"N-No. H-He's fine," I had squeaked out, not wanting to believe this._

_"Frank told me, to call…before…if he hadn't the chance himself. He said that he loves you very much and always will," she said with the saddest voice I had ever heard her possess._

_"He can't be dead. W-we…I was gonna see him this summer when I'm eighteen and…and we were going to be together, I was going to surprise him," I said weakly like it would change it all. I leaned against the wall under the phone and pulled my knees into me._

_"I'm sorry, honey," she said to me and my whole heart was just broken, useless as I cried. She gave me details on the funeral but I hardly noticed since my eyes were poring over._

_When we got off the phone I walked upstairs and laid down in my bed, sobbing as I looked at the picture of me and Frank on my nightstand. I couldn't imagine him not breathing, not smiling like he always did. I couldn't imagine a world without his laughter, his voice, his kiss. I knew I had nothing to live for now. Sure I had my family but I wanted Frank. He was the love of my life._

_After a few hours of crying I knew what I had to do. I packed my bags and stole all the money from a tin can I had been hiding my money in to go see Frank. I snuck out; knowing my mother wouldn't have allowed me to go and I got a bus ticket. The trip was long and all I could do was stay curled up in my seat and silently cry as I imagined what would happen once I got there._

_I didn't have much money left after the bus so I walked for a few hours until I got to Frank's old house. I looked up at it as it seemed to stare down at me, recognize who I was and it seemed to pity me, know what rested inside and I would have to see._

_I knocked weakly and Linda opened the door. She silently let me in with no more of a nod and let me go into Frank's room. I stood outside the door and smiled sadly as tears poured down my cheeks as I ran my hand over the band stickers still on the door, some more added. I gripped the handle and breathed outward as I walked inside. His smell covered my senses and my tears fell harder as I glanced around his room, just the way he left it. I didn't dare touch anything as I looked around. His hoodie on the floor, like always, and different clothes scattered. Posters still littered the walls, lyrics covered his desk and papers were all around. A picture of the two of us on his nightstand, the same one I had on mine. His prescription pills behind it, like he didn't like to think of them and the two of us at the same time._

_The tears kept coming and I couldn't help myself, I bent down and grabbed up his hoodie, pulling it to my face and breathing it in so deeply. It smelt just like him and it only made my tears fall heavier. I slipped my own hoodie off and draped it over my bag that I set in the corner. I slipped his hoodie on my body and smiled softly as I kicked off my shoes and crawled into his bed, daring to move the sheets though his body was the last to touch them._

_I laid there curled up in the bed, breathing in nothing but him, crying but wiping them before they could touch his hoodie or his pillow. I didn't want this to be true. I wanted him to come in and wrap his arms around me, peck my lips, and tell me he loved me._

_I stayed in his room for the next two days until the funeral and when I got up I showered and dressed myself but I refused to take off his hoodie. People seemed to whisper about my presences as they saw me back and wearing a hoodie to my boyfriend's funeral. Linda made everyone leave the room so I could see Frank alone. She wanted this over with so the wake was the funeral. Not too long from now they would close the casket and take it out, place it in the ground._

_I walked into the empty room and froze as I saw the casket. I slowly walked forward on shaky legs and saw him. He was skinnier and paler from his sickness and the makeup they had put on him for the funeral but he was still so beautiful to me. My legs gave as I reached the casket and I kneeled beside him. I reached my hand out and touched his, trying not to be bothered by how hard and fake it seemed to feel._

_"Hey baby, I'm here," I whispered before tears streamed down my cheeks and my voice broke, I looked down and cried silently before gasping inward, trying to get my breath so I could talk. "I really missed you…now you're gone and I'm still without you…I don't know what I'm going to do," I squeaked out as I constantly cried but just acted like I wasn't as I looked at his beautiful face, willing him to wake but he wouldn't. "I should of just came and seen you instead of waited. I could have had time with you and now…," I looked at his unresponsive face. "Now you're gone and I have nothing but all this pain and sadness. Baby, please wake up? I need you," I said weakly, my voice high. I leaned my head against his chest and closed my eyes. "I love you, Frankie. I love you, so much."_

_I must have stayed with him for an hour in silence until Linda came in and woke me from my mind. I had just been mindlessly staring at his face, like he would wake up any moment, my head rested on his chest. "Maybe you should just go back home, honey. Don't watch him be buried," she whispered and I thought it would be mean to leave him but I knew if I didn't I would certainly crawl in the hole with him and want to be buried just the same._

_I nodded weakly and leaned up, pressing my lips lightly to his one more time but, of course, they didn't reciprocate and it left me feeling empty and even more alone as they were cold._

_As I walked home I was in my mind, picturing Frank and thinking about him. I knew I was going to go home and kill myself, I needed to die. I couldn't live like this, without Frank. As I was thinking about how I would close the deed I stepped off the curb and crossed the road without thinking or looking. I heard the screech of tires and saw a car flying towards me before the world went black._

_I woke up and saw I was lying in Frank's bed, I was confused. Then I felt gentle fingers run over the side of my neck and brush back my hair. I turned my head and saw Frank resting behind me. I quickly rolled myself over. "Frankie, oh Frank," I said desperately as I wrapped my arms around him. He felt so real, so warm, he didn't look sick. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming," I begged him._

_"You're not dreaming, you're near death," he said softly as he held me close. He planted a soft kiss to the side of my head and I closed my eyes, concentrating on the feeling. "You need to wake up now, though," he said softly to me._

_I pulled my head back and looked at him. "G-Go back? But you're here," I said as I reached my hands up and lightly placed them on either side of his neck. "I just got you back," I whispered._

_"I don't want you to die, Gerard," he said softly and I stared into his honey brown eyes. "I want you to live. Be with your family and have a whole life. Nice and long," he said with his signature smile and my heart felt like it was aching. "I'll be with you. Everyday, watching you, hearing you, and being with you. You just won't see me," he said back as he brought his hand to cup my cheek and I felt his thumb brush the tears from my pale skin._

_"But what happens when I need you. You won't be there when I need you," I cried as I gripped his shoulders tightly, not wanting him to disappear._

_"Yes, I will. Whenever you need me I want you to curl up in your bed and lay there. Just talk to me and I'm there," Frank smiled lightly at me and then he leaned in and kissed me and I felt so alive, like I was going to live like this forever, in the moment, in this kiss. I was so scared to pull away, afraid of waking up. He parted our deep lips after a moment, "I love you, Gerard."_

_"I love you too, Frankie," I whispered back before I closed my eyes and rested our foreheads together._

_My eyes opened again and now I was staring up at a white ceiling and could hear a faint beeping. I was without his touch once again and this made my eyes leak a little, the fresh cuts on my cheeks stinging from the salty tears._

_"Oh, thank God you're awake," Linda said quickly as she sat forward, looking frazzled._

_"Frank," I rasped out weakly, trying to talk. "I saw Frank."_

_Her eyes watered and she bit her lip. "How's he look, honey?"_

_"Perfect," I sadly smiled back to her and she cried along with me, holding my hand tightly._

 

_A week later I was forced to leave, back to my parents. Linda let me take things from Frank's room but I only took a couple things. Not wanting to disturb what she had left of her son. It was a bittersweet feeling as I took one last glance at Frank's room. I knew I might not see it again and we had so many memories here but it was a release, being able to let go and let things be._

_When I finally got home my mother didn't even yell at me, knowing I had been through enough. I went upstairs and didn't even turn on the light, just curled up in my bed. "Frankie?" My voice was no more then a questionable whisper. It seemed to get warmer beside me and I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, I could smell his scent. I rolled myself closer to what seemed like his warmth, his smell. "I love you." I could swear I felt a light pair of lips on my cheek but I wasn't sure. I just smiled lightly and snuggled close. There was no sadness in this moment because I knew Frank was there and he was healthy and no longer in pain._

I lived a long life, maybe longer then I would have liked some days but I did many things and when Linda passed away she left me her house with all of Frank's things still in his room. I moved back out to Jersey and cleaned out the house the best I could. Putting a lot of things in storage, not being able to let Linda's things go. A lot of Frank's things Linda had already packed up but she left them in boxes in the room and I would still go in there and go through some of his stuff, smile at things he had written or had.

When my age finally became a problem with my health, the doctors talked of treatments but I was ready to pass away, ready to be with Frank who had been with me since the night he passed. My chest pains were horrible one night and I got up and walked into Frank's room with labored breathe before I lay down on his bed, the sheets on it washed, I always kept his room nice.

"Frankie?" I weakly whispered, my voice now older but weak. I felt his presence and could smell him strongly now. "I think…It's time," my voice lightly breathed out and I felt arms around me as I sunk into the bed, my heart slowing, my labored breath stopping. I closed my eyes in one world and awoke in the next.

My eyes were facing something dark and I lifted my head to see him there, smiling at me softly. I smiled back and noticed my hand on his chest, now with its young skin back and still pale. I wrapped my arms around Frank's neck for the first time in fifty-five years and pulled his lips to mine. Our last kiss had been so long ago and it was now renewed but in a different world, a different time. What I loved most about the world I was in…there's never a last kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story for an old friends art piece. 
> 
> Tell me what you think!
> 
> (Artwork: http://mcr1983.deviantart.com/art/Frerard-11-206348608)


End file.
